I couldn’t resist the urge to stay on brand with the first article in the “What it Means to Me” series. The first word I will delve into is “Create”. What does it mean to me to create?
This is a loaded question with a lot of history for me. My soul has always sort of existed around creativity. It originally manifested itself as a form of escapism. I used my pencil to escape a world I felt trapped in. Where I had no control, I created worlds that would bend at my will. Soliloquies wrapped around rhymes I derived.
From Escapism to Expression
My escapism did wonders for my trauma at the time. However it became my demise when I landed feet first in the real world and learned the hard way that I, in fact, had little to no control. This was a very hard pill to swallow, but once I choked it down, my despair morphed my escapsim to expression. It became less about control, and more about expressing the mutated way my brain works. Exploring the foreign land of my emotions.
These years of expression healed my heart of a lot of damage. My suffering was muted by diverting it into my creations. I finally had something I could call mine. I finally had an identity, and my identity was essentially my portfolio.
What Bad Influences Create
Just as I began exploring my identity, I fell into a situation in which my identity became malleable to one destructive force. That force took writing from me, and convinced me that it was an unhealthy, attention seeking past time. There was not enough about them, and the time it took me to write took my focus from them. I was impressionable enough to go with it, and locked my creativity away.
That was the beginning of a 5 year stretch of crippling writers block, a stricken bland personality, thousand mile stare, and the most dangerous levels of my depression and despair. It took a long time to break myself free from that. I broke free from my toxic surroundings and rapidly built myslef a better life. A better cirlce and free mind.
My free mind and healthier circle eventually cured my writers block. After a summer as a delivery driver full of long lonely hours, hours long playlists, and the everlasting love of an Earth-walking angel. I was inspired to create this silly, slightly self-indulgent blog/poetry collection to finally catalog my creations.
This was a very long way of saying this… Create something. Express yourself. Explore yourself. Anything that comes from the soul is a creation to be proud of. Don’t let anybody control what your soul becomes. And let love inspire you.
Thanks for reading. Spread some love today.